I have been awful about keeping this updated. Life has been very crazy the last 5 months. For those that do not know. Nate and I are divorce. Alex and I have gotten back together. I can only imagine what is going through some of your heads. I really had a hard time with this decision just because I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I wanted my family. It wasn't fair to Nate, and I wasn't happy. I feel so awful more than people think or know for how i went about things, let alone getting married. I should have listen to my heart. But I felt so lost and vulnerable, that i looked to everyone else for the answers. I Felt so lost and confused. And when I decided to follow my heart it felt so good but at the same time the hardest thing. I have lost a lot of friends and don't have a lot of family to talk to. A lot of people of talked about me and disagree with things. And that's OK. People are allowed to have their own opinions.I want people to know that i was never upset with how they felt about me getting back with Alex, it was more of how they said things. People telling me i am stupid or if I go out and have a few drinks all of a sudden I am not thinking about my daughter. That hurt because everything I do is for my daughter. She is the center or all my decisions and choices and I would give my life for her.
I have started going back to church again, and this time it is so different. It doesn't feel like a chore it is something that I really want. I see my life change. I am more at peace and calm with myself. I started reading my scriptures and haven't missed a day in the last two weeks. It really does make a difference. I'm gaining so much faith. I am learning to have faith in the lord, that he will help me and never leave my side. I have felt his help and he has answered so many prayers. I have to thank Alex's family.. They have been amazing and have taught me so much about faith and hope strength and courage. They are one of the most amazing families I have ever met. They truly care about people and each other. They are always there to help anyone in need and know hot to pull together in time of need. I finally found my place. I belong some where. I have everything I need thanks to them. I fill forever be grateful for Linda and Dawayne and the love and selfless acts. I am so grateful for Alex's sisters. It's like have 8 older sisters. They are the funniest girls to be around and I can be my self and actually talk deep with them.
I'm finding that life is full of curve balls, and up and downs. It throws so many different things at you some not always easy. I'm finding that you have to take what is even to you and make the best of it, see the good in everything, find what makes you happy and run with it. I'm really starting to be grateful for my hard times, I wouldn't be who I am today if i didn't have them. Threw the hard times you find strength and courage, you grow a little more you find that it gives you hope when you fall again that you can get back up and fight.I am truly grateful for my life, for every breath I take, for every moment I have with my beautiful daughter,For every laugh,for every tear,for every hug and kiss, for every smile.I am finally seeing things clearer. Life really is amazing, we need to cherish every moment with those that we love.I am FAR from perfect but I try to be a better mother, friend,sister,daughter, and girlfriend everyday. I have learned so much but still have so much more to learn and discover. Life is like a journey,you really never know were it will take you.
Well enough of that. lol... I will update a little on my cute little family. Breanna is now 19 months. She is go go go ALL the time. She doesn't stop. She gets into EVERYTHING,She wants to know how everything works. She is a very smart little girl. She understands everything you tell her, when she is in trouble she acts like she doesn't know anything. If you get after her for something she says "Why?" or "What?" she ignores you when you say no or just laughs at you. Ha-ha she keeps me laughing. Lets see oh she loves dum-dums. She can say mom ( and says it all the time.) bye bye,see ya, baba,dad,hi,thank-you,oh and when she wants something she says 'this!" She gives high fives and stones. She LOVES to give hugs, and laughs at her self all the time. She loves reading books and coloring. I can't imagine life without her. She keeps me going. I look at her and I am amazed. She is growing so fast. I love her more than she can ever imagine.
Lets see Alex is doing good. He took his GED test a week ago and got a 98 in math, 100 in social studies and a 100 in reading. I think his over all score was 715. which is awesome for someone who didn't study before taking it and has been out of school for almost 7 years. Seriously the guy is so smart.. I was so proud of him. He finally got done with all his court hirings and is very glad. He just has a lot of classes to take and is on probation for 36 months which more than likely end up being 18 months.. It will be nice when it is all done and over with. He really has been a good sport about it all and has done what he has needed to. I love him dearly and am very grateful to have my family back!
Well this a pretty long and prolly pretty boring blog. I will post pictures I promise!
